"There was a peculiar event in a Houston airport check-in line recently: A fellow shook his head no when asked if his luggage had a laptop; the X-ray machine found a laptop. He also had a Quran, which means nothing, and a clock with a battery taped to the casing, which is perfectly normal. The heels of his shoes had been hollowed out—but perhaps he had intended to load them with Cheez Whiz for an in-flight snack. He also had a Middle Eastern name, which surely confirmed the senseless Islamophobia of the screeners, and bought him an hour with the rubber hose in a TSA office. Actually, he was cleared for travel and allowed to board. Did you expect otherwise?"

—James Lileks