ON THE ENVIRONMENT/GLOBAL WARMING/ENERGY

“Oh, perhaps you think it’s wise to conserve and recycle; perhaps you think it’s common sense to explore alternative energies. Perhaps you’ve come to suspect that the climate is changing. That is, after all, what climates do. You might believe all these things—and still be a heretic. The demands of the faith are specific and exacting. You must believe that climate change is largely the fault of man—specifically, lard-bottom Americans driving around for no reason in cars the size of Spanish galleons. You must believe the change will be catastrophic—billions will be killed when the jet stream reverses and knocks everyone over, or drowned when a ceaseless series of Katrinas backs up the Mississippi and sends tsunamis across the heartland. You must believe that this disaster can be prevented with fluorescent light bulbs, whirring cars that run on pixy dust, methane traps strapped to the hindquarters of cows, and magic federal dollars that invent new forms of energy by virtue of being congressionally bequeathed.” —James Lileks