Witty Stuff

“’When you set out to take Vienna,’ Napoleon famously advised, ‘take Vienna.’ That might be updated to: ‘If you’re going to bowl, bowl better than a 37.’ That’s what Barack Obama scored when he set out to demonstrate he was just one of the guys at a Pennsylvania bowling alley recently. He started with a gutter ball. Hillary Clinton responded with an April Fools’ Day gag about deciding the nomination with a bowl-off. ‘A bowling night. Right here in Pennsylvania,’ Clinton proposed. ‘The winner take all. I’ll even spot him two frames. It is time for his campaign to get out of the gutter and allow all the pins to be counted. I’m prepared to play this game all the way to the 10th frame. When this game is over, the American people will know that when that phone rings at 3 a.m., they’ll have a president ready to bowl on Day One.’ The saddest part is that this was, without a doubt, the absolute funniest thing Hillary Clinton has ever said (after, of course, ‘I believe you, Bill’). Unfortunately, Obama missed an opportunity to explain that he was bowling so badly because he was under sniper fire.” —Jonah Goldberg